Key takeaway
If someone else's drinking is running your days, Al-Anon is the meeting for you, not for them. You can go whether or not they admit a problem. Lois W. and Anne B. opened a family clearing house in 1951 so relatives and friends would have their own rooms. Sit and listen. Nobody fixes the drinker.
Last updated: Mon Oct 05 2026 00:00:00 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)
You can be the sober one in the house and still be the one who is exhausted. The car is late again and you are already writing the speech you will not give, because last time it turned into a fight. If that is your week, Al-Anon was built for your chair. It is a mutual support program for people whose lives have been affected by someone else's drinking. They do not have to admit it. They do not have to come with you.
If you are in danger, call 911. If you are in a mental health crisis, call or text 988. A meeting is a room of people who have lived with this. It is not an emergency plan, and it is not a doctor.
The people in the chairs
Parents come. So do partners, grown children, brothers and sisters, friends, and coworkers. The Traditions describe the door as a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend. There is no application and no roster. Meetings are walk-in. Nobody takes attendance, and you can keep your last name to yourself.
You will not be assigned a sponsor at the door. Sponsorship is a one-to-one relationship you ask for later, when you want a more experienced member to talk with between meetings. They share what they have lived. They do not run your decisions. Plenty of people just keep coming back for a while and settle into a home group, the meeting that starts to feel like theirs. You do not pick one on night one.
The people talking are members, not therapists. You can see a counselor and still have a meeting. They are different hours, and one does not cancel the other.
It will not get them sober
You may have first heard the name in a parking lot during someone else's AA meeting. Families were already gathering around AA in the early years. Al-Anon is a separate fellowship, and it is not a program for finding or keeping sobriety. The point is your recovery from the effects of their drinking.
If they want a meeting for their own drinking, that is AA. The side-by-side guide is who sits where. The search on this site's meetings page is AA and NA. Your list is on al-anon.org.
Why the rooms got their own name
Lois W. was married to Bill W., one of AA's cofounders. In 1935, in a flash of anger, she threw a shoe at him and saw that she needed recovery of her own. In 1951 she asked AA's General Service Conference what should happen to the family groups. The Conference agreed to a clearing house, separate from AA, and asked that AA's name not be used.
That May, she and Anne B. wrote to the 87 family groups they knew. The whole month is the traditional anniversary. They asked the groups to take AA's Twelve Steps with one change. In the Twelfth Step, "alcoholics" became "others." About 20 members from seven New York groups agreed on the name Al-Anon Family Groups, and about 80 percent of the groups the clearing house polled said yes.
Anne B. is the cofounder. People mix her up with Annie S., Dr. Bob's wife, who died in 1949, before this office existed. Teens got their own meetings a few years later. That room is Alateen.
What the hour is actually like
People talk about their own lives. They are not there to tell you what to do with yours. If you would rather listen, you can say you are just listening, or simply pass. Newcomers are usually offered a piece of literature and a local list. Some groups hold a beginners' meeting. There are no dues. Most groups pass a basket for rent and books. Give what you can, or let the basket go by. Nobody sends a bill.
You will hear, early, a line members still use: I didn't cause it, I can't control it, and I can't cure it. The family guide stays on that, and on what people mean when they talk about detaching with love. The steps and slogans are the longer practice. The books are what people read between meetings.
What you hear in the room stays there. Members do not tell outsiders who they saw or what was said.
If you are not sure you can walk in
Almost nobody feels ready. You are already managing a crisis, and a new room sounds like one more thing that could go wrong. You do not have to decide you are "a member" before you visit. Try more than one meeting. Al-Anon recommends at least six different meetings before you decide if it helps. That is a suggestion, not a promise that the sixth one feels peaceful.
Tonight, open the meeting search or call 1-888-4AL-ANON (1-888-425-2666). The finder guide is the walkthrough. If leaving the house is too much, use Al-Anon meetings online and pick one you can sit through from where you are. The line is for meeting information. It is not 911 and it is not 988.
Call or text (800) 653-9376 if you want help finding a treatment program for yourself or for the person who drinks. That number is SmarterRecovery, a referral line. It is not Al-Anon, and it will not hold a chair for you.
Additional Resources
Sources cited on this page:
- Al-Anon Family Groups: What is Al-Anon and Alateen?
- Al-Anon Family Groups: FAQ for newcomers
- Al-Anon Family Groups: Al-Anon timeline
- Al-Anon Family Groups: FAQ about Al-Anon's history
- Al-Anon Family Groups: Al-Anon's Three Cs
- Al-Anon Family Groups: Find an Al-Anon or Alateen meeting
- Al-Anon Family Groups: Catalog of Conference Approved Literature (S-15), sponsorship note
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
Common Questions
Do I belong if I am not the one drinking?
Yes. That chair is yours. Parents, partners, grown children, siblings, friends, and people from work all end up there when someone else's drinking has taken over the week. The person who drinks does not have to call it a problem, and they do not have to walk in with you.
Will a meeting get them to stop?
No. Members learn they did not cause the drinking, cannot control it, and cannot cure it. The hour is about what their drinking has done to you. If they want help to stop, that is an AA meeting or medical care, not the chair you are sitting in.
Is it a religion?
It is a spiritual fellowship, not a church. People of any faith, and people with none, sit together. You decide what a Power greater than yourself means, including if you do not use the word God.
What if the problem looks more like drugs?
The purpose is help for families and friends of alcoholics. In the 2018 membership survey, 35 percent of members first came because of a relative or friend's drug problem, and 78 percent of that group later saw that someone's drinking had affected them too. Nar-Anon is the fellowship for drug use. You can try a meeting and decide.
How do I find a meeting tonight?
Open Al-Anon's meeting search, or call 1-888-4AL-ANON (1-888-425-2666) in the United States, Canada, and Puerto Rico. The [finder](/guides/how-to-find-al-anon-meetings/) walks through it. If you cannot leave the house, start with [online meetings](/guides/al-anon-meetings-online/). The number (800) 653-9376 is this helpline, not Al-Anon.