Al-Anon Steps, Traditions, and Slogans

The first night, the Steps can sound like someone else's religion, and the slogans can sound like bumper stickers. If you are ashamed of how much of your life has gone into watching another person drink, you do not need a philosophy lecture. You need something you can use before the next phone call. People who stay usually talk about the Steps as a personal look at your own life, taken at your speed. The Traditions are quieter. They are the manners that keep a meeting from turning into advice about your marriage. When you are too tired for a book, a slogan is the line you can still hold.

The official sentences are on the Twelve Steps page and the Traditions page. A meeting that reads them aloud is where you hear the wording.

The Steps, without the numbered text

They were adapted nearly word for word from Alcoholics Anonymous, and members use them as a tool for spiritual growth. In the room, people share what they learned from practicing them. Nobody grades you on how far you have gotten.

The 1951 edit is the part that makes them yours. Family groups were asked to take AA's Steps with a single change in the Twelfth Step, so the people they tried to help were "others," families and friends, not alcoholics looking for sobriety. That one word is the difference between this program and AA. The comparison stays on it.

In ordinary language, the practice goes like this. You admit that someone else's drinking has made your own life unmanageable, and that you cannot run theirs. You look for help beyond sheer willpower, defined your way. You take an honest look at your own part, tell it to another person, and become willing to change the habits that have been hurting you. You make amends where that will not cause more harm. You notice when you are wrong. You keep some quiet contact with whatever you mean by a higher power. And you try to be useful to the next person who walks in as scared as you were.

The fellowship calls itself spiritual, not religious. Members are asked not to debate doctrine. Each person defines a "Power greater than ourselves" for themselves. If that language sticks in your throat, you can still sit down. You do not perform a creed to hear a meeting.

A sponsor is optional. Newcomer material describes it as a one-to-one relationship with a more experienced member, for going further than one hour can go. You ask someone you think you could learn from, when you are ready. You are not assigned one at the door.

Paths to Recovery is the book-length study of the Steps, the Traditions, and the Concepts of Service, with questions. The literature guide says what that book is for. The Concepts are about how the service structure works. They matter if you take a group job later. A first Wednesday does not require them.

The Traditions, as the way the room behaves

The Steps are about you. The Traditions are about the group surviving its members. Lois W. adapted AA's Traditions for the family groups and asked the groups to look at them in 1952. The World Service Conference approved them in 1961, the year it also accepted the idea of Conference Approved Literature.

You do not need twelve sentences memorized to feel the effect. A group can call itself Al-Anon when there is a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend and the group has no other affiliation. Groups pay their own way with contributions and literature. Their job is help for families and friends of alcoholics, not picking a treatment center for you. Anonymity means the story you hear is not one you repeat at work. Each group runs its own meeting inside guidelines meant to keep the fellowship one fellowship.

That is why a meeting will not tell you which rehab to pick, and why a member who starts handing out orders is off the point. People speak from their own experience. They do not coach the person who just spoke.

Lines you can actually remember

The slogans are short on purpose. You can dismiss them because they are short, and that same shortness is why you can hold one when you cannot hold a book. The slogan page has the full set. It pairs each name with lines from the books. Those lines stay in the books.

Keep Coming Back is what someone may say when you are not sure you will return. One meeting is a bad sample. Al-Anon recommends trying at least six different meetings before you decide.

One Day at a Time, and Just for Today, pull the problem down to the next day, sometimes the next hour, so you stop rehearsing a catastrophe that has not happened.

Easy Does It and Keep It Simple are for the moment you are about to solve the whole marriage before the meeting ends.

First Things First is a sort: what has to be handled today, and what can wait until you have slept.

Listen and Learn is the newcomer's job. You are allowed to pass. If you stay quiet, you will hear pieces of your own week in someone else's.

Let Go and Let God is the one people argue with. In practice it means you stop gripping a decision that is not yours, including whether another adult drinks tonight. You do not have to use the word God. The family guide is the longer version, detachment.

How Important Is It asks whether the comment you are about to make is worth what it will cost tonight.

Let It Begin with Me turns the work back toward the person in the mirror. The change you can actually make is yours.

If a slogan makes you bristle, leave it. There are others. Teens hear the same shelf, and Together We Can Make It shows up often in Alateen, because the point of that room is that you do not figure the house out alone. The Alateen guide is that meeting.

Tonight you do not have to "do" a Step. Go to a meeting, or open Al-Anon meetings online if you cannot leave, and listen once. The first-meeting guide is what that hour feels like. If you want the wording later, it is on al-anon.org.

If you are in crisis, call or text 988. If you are in danger, call 911. Call or text (800) 653-9376 only if you want help finding a treatment program. That line is not Al-Anon, and the person who answers will not walk a Step with you.

Additional Resources

Sources cited on this page:

• Al-Anon Family Groups: The Twelve Steps
• Al-Anon Family Groups: The Twelve Traditions
• Al-Anon Family Groups: Al-Anon slogans
• Al-Anon Family Groups: Al-Anon timeline
• Al-Anon Family Groups: FAQ for newcomers
• Al-Anon Family Groups: Find an Al-Anon or Alateen meeting
• Al-Anon Family Groups: Catalog of Conference Approved Literature (S-15)
• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline

Common Questions