You Sat in Their Open Meeting

You sat in their open A.A. meeting and felt sick. Observers may be allowed in. The room that is about you is an Al-Anon meeting.

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Key takeaway

You sat in their open A.A. meeting and felt sick. Open meetings allow observers who are nonalcoholics, so you may have been allowed in and still did not belong to that hour. Al-Anon is the room about you. You can go there tonight and only listen.

Last updated: 2026-10-06

You went because they asked, or because you thought seeing it would help you believe them. You sat in the row. People talked about what drinking had done. You felt sick on the way home, or before the prayer, or in the parking lot with the keys in your hand. Now you are wondering if you were not supposed to be there at all.

If it was an open meeting, you may have been allowed in the room and still not have belonged to that hour. A.A. says open meetings are for anyone interested, and nonalcoholics may attend as observers. Sitting there as an observer was allowed.

You were allowed in

An open meeting can hold a partner, a friend, a parent, someone who is only watching. The open and closed difference is about who the group says may attend. A closed meeting is for members, or for people with a drinking problem and a desire to stop drinking. The meeting you sat in, if it was open, had a chair for an observer. The chair may ask newcomers to introduce themselves. That ask is not mandatory. You could pass. You can still have felt like your skin did not fit.

There is a guide to bringing a family member to an open meeting. It is written mostly toward the person who drinks. Read it if you want the shape of what that invitation is for. It will not turn their hour into yours.

The room about you is Al-Anon

Their meeting is members talking about what drinking did and what they did to stop. Your sick feeling is about what their drinking has done to you. That belongs in Al-Anon. Families and friends can find help whether or not the alcoholic seeks help. What to expect at a first Al-Anon meeting is the page for your next hour, not a repeat of theirs.

You can search electronic meetings by day, time, and language. Camera off. You can say you are just listening today. You do not have to go back to their meeting to be allowed to want this one. Their drinking is not a puzzle you have to solve before you sit in a room that is finally about you.

Tonight

If you want your own hour, open the Al-Anon list and keep the camera off. You were allowed to observe. You are also allowed to leave their meeting in the past and go to yours. If you need a treatment referral, call (800) 653-9376. The call is free to you. Treatment providers pay for the referral.

If you are in danger, call 911. If you are in a mental health crisis, call or text 988.

Additional Resources

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Common Questions

Did I break a rule by sitting in their open meeting?

If it was an open meeting and you were there as an observer, A.A. says nonalcoholics may attend. Sitting there as an observer was allowed. You can still have felt sick. Being allowed in the room is not the same as the hour being about you. Your own fellowship is Al-Anon. You can go there without replaying their meeting as a test you failed.

What is an open meeting for, then?

A.A. says open meetings are for anyone interested, and nonalcoholics may attend as observers. Closed meetings are for members, or for people with a drinking problem and a desire to stop drinking. The label is the group's, so the listing matters. Observers are there to see how the meeting works. The chair may ask if anyone new wants to introduce themselves, and that ask is not mandatory. You can pass.

Why did I feel sick if I was allowed to be there?

Because the stories were about drinking from the inside, and you live on the outside of their glass. You may have heard your own kitchen in someone else's share and had nowhere to put it. That nausea is information. It says the hour was not built around the person who loves them. Al-Anon is mutual support for people affected by someone else's drinking. You can find it whether or not they seek help.

Should I go back to their meeting with them?

Only if you want to observe again, and only if the meeting is open. You do not have to return in order to earn a right to your own help. Many people go once, feel the mismatch, and look for Al-Anon after. You can tell them you are glad they have a room. You can also get a room of your own tonight.

Where do I go for a meeting that is about me?

Look up Al-Anon. Electronic meetings can be searched by day, time, and language. Camera off, and saying you are just listening, is fair. The first Al-Anon meeting guide can walk you through the feel of it. You do not have to explain their A.A. story to take a chair. If you need a treatment referral, call (800) 653-9376. The call is free to you. Treatment providers pay for the referral.