Key takeaway
Someone asked you to sponsor them and you feel unqualified. The sponsorship pamphlet has questions for people who want to sponsor, and you do not have to know them tonight. You can say you do not know. You can help them find a meeting. You are not their physician. If they are in danger, call 911.
Last updated: Tue Oct 06 2026 00:00:00 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)
Someone asked you, and you feel unqualified. Your mind went straight to the reasons a better person should have been standing there. You do not know the right words. You are afraid you will say something that hurts them, or that you will freeze and they will see you do not have a plan.
You can say you do not know.
The sponsorship pamphlet, P-15, uses shared A.A. experience to answer 34 questions. Some of those questions are for people who want to sponsor. Some are for people seeking sponsors, and some are for groups. You do not have to know them tonight. You can skip the questions. Inventing techniques so you sound competent is worse than the truth. The truth is allowed to be short. You do not know yet. You can still help them find a meeting.
You are not their physician
If they are in danger, the move is 911, not your advice. Living Sober says A.A. members are not physicians. We are not qualified to advise about medications. That limit does not lift because someone trusts you. If they are sick, confused, or cannot breathe, call 911. If they are in a mental health crisis, call or text 988. Do the same for yourself if the fear tips that far. You can say "I don't know" and then stop talking. You do not have to sound certain to be useful for one hour. Let that be enough for tonight. The silence after that sentence is not a failure. It is you refusing to invent a method you do not have. Sit with them if you are willing. Help them look up one meeting. Leave the pamphlet for a calmer night. The questions in it are for people who want to sponsor, and you are allowed to be one of those people without reciting them in the parking lot.
NIAAA says alcohol withdrawal can be life-threatening when a person who drinks heavily over time stops suddenly. You do not coach that. NIDA says mutual-help groups such as A.A. are peer-led, not led by healthcare professionals, and not a substitute for treatment. A meeting is not detox. FindTreatment.gov lists programs. SAMHSA's National Helpline, 1-800-662-HELP (4357), is free, confidential, and available 24/7 in English and Spanish. You can hand them those paths. Handing them a path is not the same as practicing medicine in a parking lot.
A meeting is something you know how to find
You can help them look. aa.org is not a meeting finder. The meetings search lists rooms, and those listings are not verified, so confirm the time together. Meetings are in person, online, or by phone. Online, video can be off, or they can dial in if walking in feels like too much. A beginners meeting is a fair suggestion if they are new and you are scared of being the whole program. You are not the whole program. You are one person who can sit beside them and listen.
You can say, I do not know, and then, let us find a meeting. You can only listen next to them. Introducing yourself is not mandatory for either of you. You need not join a prayer. There are no dues or fees. The only requirement for membership, for them and for you, is a desire to stop drinking. Your fear does not cancel theirs, and it does not cancel yours.
If you do not want to say yes, you can say not now. There is no desk that assigned you this person. How to ask is the page they can use with someone else. A no from you is complete. You can still care. You can still show them the list of meetings and then go home. Pretending you have a method you do not have is the thing to skip.
Tonight
Tell them the truth, that you do not know, and help them find one meeting if you are willing. If they are in danger, call 911 before you call yourself a sponsor. If you need the chair for your own fear, take it. Listen. Leave when the hour ends. Confirm the listing on the meetings search so neither of you is guessing at an address. Call (800) 653-9376 if you need treatment; the call is free to you, treatment providers pay for the referral, the line is not an intergroup, and the line is not A.A., and it is not SMART Recovery.
Additional Resources
Sources cited on this page:
- A.A.: Questions and Answers on Sponsorship
- A.A.: Living Sober, avoiding dangerous drugs and medications
- A.A.: The Twelve Traditions
- A.A.: What to Expect at an A.A. Meeting
- A.A.: Need help with a drinking problem?
- A.A.: Find A.A. near you
- NIDA: Treatment, including mutual-help groups
- NIAAA Core Resource: Alcohol Use Disorder, From Risk to Diagnosis to Recovery
- 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline
- SAMHSA National Helpline
- SAMHSA FindTreatment.gov
- SmarterRecovery meetings page (public meeting search; listings are not verified)
- SmarterRecovery about page (calling is free to the caller)
Common Questions
Do I have to know the sponsorship questions before I help?
No. Pamphlet P-15 uses shared experience to answer 34 questions, including questions for people who want to sponsor. You do not have to know them tonight, and you should not invent the answers. You can tell the person you do not know. You can still be kind and help them find a meeting. The pamphlet can wait on the literature table. Fear does not mean you have already failed them.
What if they are in danger and they are looking at me?
Call 911. Do not try to be their physician, and do not give medical advice because they asked you to sponsor them. A.A. members are not physicians. Members are not qualified to advise anyone about medications. If they are sick, confused, or cannot breathe, the emergency number comes first. For a mental health crisis, call or text 988. You point them to care. You do not coach the emergency.
Can I help them find a meeting without becoming an expert?
Yes. That is a concrete thing you can do while you are scared. aa.org is not a meeting finder. A meetings search lists rooms, and those listings are not verified, so confirm the time. Meetings are in person, online, or by phone. You can sit with them and only listen. You can say you do not have a method beyond showing up. Showing up is allowed to be the whole plan tonight.
What if I do not want to say yes?
You can say not now. Feeling unqualified is real, and a forced yes will not make you ready. There is no assignment desk that required you to accept. The person can ask someone else. You can point them toward a meeting without pretending you have a program to hand them. A no from you is a complete answer. You can still care about them from your own chair.
Are we supposed to handle withdrawal or medication between us?
No. NIDA says mutual-help groups such as A.A. are peer-led, not led by healthcare professionals, and not a substitute for treatment. A meeting is not detox. Members are not physicians. A medication question belongs with a clinician, not your best guess. FindTreatment.gov lists programs. You can say you do not know and mean it. If someone cannot breathe, the number is 911, not a longer talk with you.