Key takeaway
You are outside their meeting, waiting through an hour that is not about you. Their room is for them. If you love someone who drinks, your chair is Al-Anon, and you can look for one tonight with the camera off. If the lot is unsafe, leave and call 911.
Last updated: 2026-10-06
The building has a door you are not walking through. Maybe you drove them. Maybe you told yourself you were only making sure they went. The engine is off, or it is not, and the hour has started without you. That can feel like love. It can also feel like being locked out of a life you have been managing.
Their meeting, if it is A.A., is for people with a desire to stop drinking. Closed meetings are not a place for you to sit and take notes on them. Open meetings can welcome a visitor, and even then the hour is still theirs. If they are at an N.A. meeting, that room is for people who want freedom from active addiction. You are allowed to stop supervising the door.
Your hour, not their hour
If the person you love drinks, Al-Anon is the fellowship for you. If the problem is drugs, Nar-Anon is the one built for relatives and friends. You can find help whether or not they stick the meeting, tell the truth in it, or come back next week.
Electronic Al-Anon meetings can happen while you are still in the car, if the lot is safe and you will not drive while you are on the call. Camera off. You can say you are just listening. You do not have to explain why you are in a parking lot.
If the lot is dark and you are afraid of them, or of someone else out there, leave. Call 911 if you are not safe. NIDA is plain that a mutual-help group is not treatment. Do not ask their meeting, or yours, to be a hospital.
When they come out, you can be a person who also went somewhere, even if somewhere was a phone in the passenger seat. If you want a treatment referral and you can talk, call (800) 653-9376. The call is free to you. Treatment providers pay for the referral.
Additional Resources
Sources cited on this page:
- Al-Anon Family Groups: What is Al-Anon and Alateen?
- Al-Anon Family Groups: Find an Al-Anon Meeting
- Al-Anon Family Groups: Electronic Meetings
- Al-Anon: The Three Cs
- Nar-Anon Family Groups: What is Nar-Anon?
- Nar-Anon Family Groups: FAQ
- A.A.: Need help with a drinking problem?
- A.A.: What to Expect at an A.A. Meeting
- A.A.: Find A.A. Near You
- A.A.: Meeting Guide app
- NIDA: Treatment, including mutual-help groups
- NIAAA Core Resource: Alcohol Use Disorder
- 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline
- SAMHSA National Helpline
- SAMHSA FindTreatment.gov
- SmarterRecovery meetings search
- SmarterRecovery about page
Common Questions
Can I go in and sit with them?
Only if the listing is an open meeting and you were invited to attend as a visitor. A closed A.A. meeting is for people with a desire to stop drinking. Do not walk into a closed meeting to supervise them. Your own meeting is a better use of the hour.
What if they asked me to wait in the car?
You can wait if the lot feels safe. You can also spend that same hour in an electronic Al-Anon meeting with the camera off. Waiting is not the same as getting help for the part of the night that is yours.
They use drugs, not alcohol. Where do I go?
Nar-Anon is for relatives and friends who are affected by someone else's drug problem. The meeting they are in, if it is N.A., is run for people who want to stop using. Your chair is not their chair.
What if they come out angry that I am still here?
You do not have to argue in the parking lot. If you are scared of them, lock the doors or leave and call 911. A meeting cannot referee a fight. If you are shaken and not in danger, an Al-Anon meeting can still be the next hour.
I want them in treatment, not just a meeting.
A meeting is not treatment. NIDA says mutual-help groups do not replace medical care. If you want a treatment referral and it is safe to talk, call (800) 653-9376. The call is free to you. Treatment providers pay for the referral.