Key takeaway
Two people offered to sponsor you, and you are in the parking lot with both yeses. You can pick one. You can ask for time. You do not have to decide tonight. No office assigns a sponsor. Thank them, take the night if you need it, and go home without drinking.
Last updated: 2026-10-06
The meeting is over. Two people said yes. You are in the parking lot with both names and no sentence that feels fair. One of them might still be by the door. The other might be in a car two rows away, waiting without saying they are waiting. Your keys are in your hand. The choice feels like it has to happen before the engine starts.
You can pick one. You can ask for time. You do not have to decide in the parking lot.
Two yeses and a dark lot
Thank them. A thank-you can stand on its own. "I need the night" is a full sentence, and you can send it to both. "I would like you to sponsor me" is also a full sentence, if you already know. There is no office that assigns a sponsor, and the sponsorship pamphlet is shared experience, not a switchboard that ranks these two people for you.
You can sit in the car with the door shut and the radio off until your breathing slows. You do not have to roll the window down and announce a winner. If one of them walks over, you can say you are grateful and you need until tomorrow. That is allowed. Feeling flattered and feeling trapped can be the same minute. You still get to go home.
The drink in your head is not a way to settle the choice. Start the car only when you are fit to drive, and drive home. Roll the window up. The lot does not get a verdict. You can text both of them from your own kitchen, where the light is yours. Tomorrow is soon enough.
You can choose in daylight
Read what to look for in a sponsor when you are in your kitchen, not under a light pole. If you want help while you decide, there is a page on what a temporary sponsor does. If you ask and later hear a no, there is a page for how to ask the next person. A no is a complete answer.
Anyone with a desire to stop drinking is welcome at the next meeting whether you have chosen or not. There are no dues or fees. You can listen. You can sleep. In the morning the two yeses will still be yeses, or one of them will have cooled, and you will have a daylight sentence. That is enough.
Tonight
Thank them. Ask for the night if you need it, or pick one if you already know. Then go home without drinking. You do not have to decide between them before you leave the lot.
Call (800) 653-9376 when the next step is treatment, not another hour of white-knuckling. The call is free to you. Treatment providers pay for the referral. Call or text 988 if you might hurt yourself. Call 911 if you are in danger.
Additional Resources
Sources cited on this page:
- A.A.: What to Expect at an A.A. Meeting
- A.A.: Need help with a drinking problem?
- A.A.: The Twelve Traditions
- A.A.: Find A.A. Near You
- A.A.: Meeting Guide app
- NIDA: Treatment, including mutual-help groups
- NIAAA Core Resource: Alcohol Use Disorder
- 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline
- SAMHSA National Helpline
- SAMHSA FindTreatment.gov
- SmarterRecovery meetings search
- SmarterRecovery about page
- A.A.: Questions and Answers on Sponsorship
Common Questions
Do I have to choose before I leave the parking lot?
No. You can thank both of them and ask for the night. You can pick one before you unlock the car if the choice is already clear. Either way is allowed. There is no office that assigns a sponsor, so nobody official is waiting on your answer by morning. Go home without drinking. You can text them tomorrow with a plain sentence.
Can I ask both of them for a day?
Yes. You can say you are grateful and you need a day. That sentence can go to both people. You do not have to invent a ranking out in the lot. If one of them needs an answer sooner, you can still ask for the night and let them decide what they do with that. A no, if it comes later, is a complete answer. Go home and stay with the desire to stop.
What if I pick the wrong person?
You can change later. A yes tonight is not a vow sealed in an office, because there is no such office. There is a page on what to look for in a sponsor if you want help noticing what you are choosing. You can also read about what a temporary sponsor does if you want company while you see how it feels. You can go to a meeting and listen while you think.
What if I want neither and I feel ashamed?
Then you do not take either one tonight. Thank them if you can, and tell the truth if you can: I need more time. Shame does not mean you must grab a name to be polite. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. You can go to meetings and listen with no sponsor yet. You can ask next week. You are allowed to be undecided.
Where do I read about what to look for?
There is a page on what to look for in a sponsor, and you can read it after you are home. You do not have to finish it in the parking lot with both of them watching. The sponsorship pamphlet is shared experience, not a switchboard that ranks the two yeses. Sleep on it if you need to. Go to another meeting and listen. You can choose in daylight.