How to Find a Sponsor in AA or NA

Key takeaway

Nobody assigns you a sponsor. In AA and NA you find one by listening in meetings and asking someone whose share reached you. The AA and NA sponsorship pamphlets say the same core thing: look for someone you can trust who is actively working the program, and if you are new, a temporary sponsor is fine tonight.

Last updated: Tue Oct 06 2026 00:00:00 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)

You have been to a few meetings. People keep mentioning their sponsor - "my sponsor says," "I called my sponsor" - and it is starting to feel like everyone got a handbook you never received. They did not. There is no assignment desk, no sign-up sheet, no office that pairs people up. Sponsorship in AA and NA happens one way only: someone asks someone. Here is how to be the someone who asks, even if the word still feels too big for you.

Start by listening, not choosing

Both fellowships say the same first thing, in slightly different words. NA's sponsorship pamphlet says going to a lot of meetings helps you determine who you are comfortable with and who you can learn to trust. AA's pamphlet puts it as selecting a member with whom you can feel comfortable, someone you can talk freely and confidentially with.

So your job for the next handful of meetings is not to find a sponsor. It is to listen for the voice that sounds like yours. The person who shares what you were afraid to say out loud. The one who stays after to talk to shaking newcomers. The one whose story has a shape you recognize. Trust comes before the title.

The ask itself

When you have a name in your head, keep it small. After the meeting, while people are still chatting:

"I'm new, and I'm looking for a sponsor. Would you consider it?"

That is the whole sentence. You do not owe your history in the parking lot, and you do not have to be sure you are an alcoholic or an addict first - AA's pamphlet even suggests sponsors help newcomers keep an open mind about that.

One honest warning: sometimes the answer is no. People already carrying several sponsees, people swamped at work, people who can see this is not a fit - they will say no, and it is not a verdict on you. NA's pamphlet says if that happens, be persistent, have faith, and try not to take the decision personally; then ask someone else. A no from one member is a scheduling problem, not a rejection of your membership.

The temporary sponsor route

If asking feels like too much right now, there is a bridge. AA's pamphlet describes groups where the secretary makes an announcement: "If any person here does not have a sponsor and wants one, please see the secretary, who will arrange a temporary sponsor." Not every group does this, but many do - and where it is not announced, you can still walk up to the secretary and say you are looking for a temporary sponsor.

A temporary sponsor helps you start the Steps and find your footing. When you later find someone you feel more comfortable with, AA's pamphlet notes that a sponsor may stay temporary until that happens. Nothing about that is a failure. It is the program working the way it was built to work.

What you are looking for, in plain terms

The pamphlets keep the criteria short, and it is worth keeping them short yourself:

Someone active in the program - they go to meetings, they work with others, their own sobriety is alive
Someone you believe you could trust with the unflattering version of your week
Someone with more clean time or sobriety than you have, especially if you are new
For many members, someone of the same sex - NA's pamphlet says this makes empathy and safety easier, while noting some members feel gender need not decide it

That is the list. Not years of chip counts, not a resume. NA's pamphlet has one member putting it plainly: "When I picked my sponsor, I looked at it like an interview. What are your expectations and what are mine?"

What a sponsor is not

So you do not walk in with the wrong picture: a sponsor is a member of the fellowship sharing their experience, one alcoholic or addict helping another through the program. AA's pamphlet says sponsor and sponsored meet as equals. A sponsor is not a therapist, not a counselor, not a doctor, not a banker, and not your conscience. NIDA describes mutual-help groups like AA and NA as peer-led - not led by healthcare professionals. If you need medical care, a sponsor cannot provide it, and if you have been drinking heavily and plan to stop, alcohol withdrawal can be dangerous and needs medical supervision - a sponsor cannot manage that for you.

What to do tonight

If there is a meeting tonight, go. Listen for the voice that sounds like yours. Stay after for the coffee and the chatter, even for five minutes, even if you say nothing else. If the secretary makes the announcement about temporary sponsors and you want one - raise your hand, or see the secretary after. If no announcement comes, ask anyway.

And if tonight is one of those nights where the drinking or using voice is louder than the meeting voice: call or text 988 if you are in crisis, 911 if it is a medical emergency. The rooms will still be there tomorrow, and so will the people in them.

If you would like help finding a meeting or treatment options near you, call (800) 653-9376. The call is free, and there is no judgment at either end of the line.

Additional Resources

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Common Questions

Do I need a sponsor to be in AA or NA?

No. Anyone with a desire to stop drinking is welcome in AA, and NA works the same way - the program is the program, with or without a sponsor. But AA's sponsorship pamphlet describes the close, ongoing support a sponsor offers as something many members find they need between meetings, so most members eventually want one. You can sit in meetings and listen for weeks before you ask anyone. That still counts.

How do I actually pick someone?

Go to meetings and listen. NA's sponsorship pamphlet says the best place to look is at a meeting, and that most members look for someone they feel they can learn to trust, who seems compassionate, and who is active in the program - often someone with more clean time than they have. AA's pamphlet puts it as selecting a member you can feel comfortable with, someone you can talk freely and confidentially with. Whose share keeps sounding like your own head? Start there.

What do I say when I ask?

Something simple and honest: 'I'm new, and I'm looking for a sponsor. Would you consider it?' You do not have to tell your whole story first. If the person says no - and people do, because a sponsor has to have room for another sponsee - NA's pamphlet suggests being persistent, trying not to take it personally, and asking someone else. You can also ask the meeting secretary whether the group arranges temporary sponsors.

What is a temporary sponsor?

AA's sponsorship pamphlet describes groups making an announcement like: 'If any person here does not have a sponsor and wants one, please see the secretary, who will arrange a temporary sponsor.' A temporary sponsor helps you get started, and when the relationship feels off, the pamphlet says the sponsor may offer to stay temporary until you find someone you feel more comfortable with. If nobody offers, you can ask the secretary directly - that is what the secretary is there for.

Is a sponsor a therapist or counselor?

No, and it matters. AA's pamphlet describes sponsorship as one alcoholic who has made some progress in recovery sharing that experience with another alcoholic - a peer relationship between equals, not clinical care. NA's pamphlet says a sponsor is a member living the program of recovery who builds a supportive one-on-one relationship with us. A sponsor shares experience with the Steps; they do not diagnose, prescribe, or treat anything. NIDA describes mutual-help groups like these as peer-led, not led by healthcare professionals.