Key takeaway
They texted that they are on the way, and you are adding the bar to the drive. Put the phone down. You cannot control the route from the couch. Al-Anon is the meeting for that kind of math. If you believe they are driving drunk and someone is in danger, call 911. Do not chase the car with a clock.
Last updated: 2026-10-06
The text says on my way, and you are already counting minutes you do not trust. You know the route. You are adding a stop they did not name. The bar sits on that road in your head even if it is not in the message. Your chest is doing dispatch. Put the phone down.
You cannot steer them from the couch. Another text will not close the distance honestly. If you believe they are driving drunk and someone is in danger, including them, call 911. Do that instead of chasing the car with a clock. If you do not believe that, if you are only running the old math, leave the phone face down and let the arrival be theirs.
Put the phone down
You did not cause it, you cannot control it, and you cannot cure it. The drive is one more place that shows up. Al-Anon is mutual support for people whose lives have been affected by someone else's drinking. You can look for help whether or not they are telling the truth about the route. Search electronic meetings by day, time, and language while you wait, if waiting is what you are stuck with. Camera off is a fair way to attend. Say you are just listening. Or find a meeting for after they are in the door and you still feel like a siren.
When they walk in, you are here is enough. You do not have to present the math. Mutual-help groups are not a substitute for treatment. They are also not a GPS.
The phone can stay down until you are a person again, not a timer.
If you want a treatment referral once the car question is settled, call (800) 653-9376. The call is free to you. Treatment providers pay for the referral.
Additional Resources
Sources cited on this page:
- Al-Anon Family Groups: What is Al-Anon and Alateen?
- Al-Anon Family Groups: Find an Al-Anon Meeting
- Al-Anon Family Groups: Electronic Meetings
- Al-Anon: The Three Cs
- NIDA: Treatment, including mutual-help groups
- NIAAA Core Resource: Alcohol Use Disorder
- 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline
- SAMHSA National Helpline
- SAMHSA FindTreatment.gov
- SmarterRecovery meetings search
- SmarterRecovery about page
Common Questions
Should I keep texting until they arrive?
You can put the phone down. Another where-are-you will not steer the car. If you believe they are driving drunk and someone could get hurt, including them, call 911. That is different from refreshing the thread. Al-Anon will not track a vehicle. It can give you a place to put your hands.
What do I do with the math in my head?
Name it as math, then stop solving it. You know the route. You are adding a stop they did not confess. You cannot control the drive, you did not cause the drinking, and you cannot cure it from the couch. Stand up. Find a meeting. Let the arrival happen without you directing it.
What if they walk in and I explode?
You might. You can also decide the first sentence is small. You are here. Then stop. The interrogation can wait until you have been in a meeting, or it can wait forever. You do not have to spend the arrival proving you were right about the bar.
Where is the meeting if I cannot leave?
Search electronic Al-Anon meetings by day, time, and language. Camera off is a fair way to attend. Say you are just listening. You can also find an in-person meeting for later if you need to be home when the door opens. You are allowed to get help whether or not they are actually on the way.
What if I was wrong and they are fine?
Then you were scared, which matches the history, and you still did not need to spend the wait as a dispatcher. Being wrong about one drive does not mean the fear was silly. Mutual-help groups are not a substitute for treatment. The meeting is still yours if they walk in steady.