The FAQ Pamphlet and Your Family

Your sister had the pamphlet open, or it was your parent, and the kitchen turned into a quiz. They read a question, waited, and treated your silence like a wrong answer. You are tired, and you are ashamed, and you are also angry that help arrived as a test.

You do not have to pass. Frequently asked questions, pamphlet P-2, answers questions most frequently asked by alcoholics seeking help and by families and friends. Both kinds of questions live in the same paper. That is why a worried person can hold it up and sound like a judge. The pamphlet is answering curiosity. It is not issuing you a score, and the answers are not reprinted here for them to drill.

Their questions are not your entrance exam

A family can love you and still use a pamphlet badly. They are scared. They found something official-looking. They want a yes or a no they can survive. You can understand that and still refuse the quiz. Getting a question wrong in the kitchen, or refusing to play, does not decide whether you can sit with other people who want to stop drinking.

If the type is large, they may be holding P-57, the large-print FAQ. Same job, bigger print. Easier to read out loud is not the same as authorized to grade you. You can tell them you will look at it yourself, later, or you can leave it in their hands. You do not owe a spoken answer tonight to earn a chair tomorrow morning. Tonight can be the meeting.

The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. The long form adds that membership ought never depend on money or conformity. Passing a relative's quiz is conformity. There are no dues or fees. You are welcome regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religion, income, or profession. A parent who is disappointed is not an extra requirement.

You also do not have to know every answer they are reading. Inventing one to make the room calm would only teach them that the pamphlet is a script. It is not. If you want to read it alone later, read it alone. If you never want their voice attached to it, that is allowed too.

They can get help that is not your report card

Al-Anon is mutual support for someone affected by another person's drinking, whether or not you admit a problem and whether or not you seek help. It is not a religious program. It charges no dues. Your sister or your parent can look for that room even if you slam the pamphlet shut. Their relief does not depend on you passing.

If a teenager in the house is caught in this, Alateen is part of Al-Anon, for young people, mostly teenagers, affected by someone else's drinking, whether that person is drinking now or not. You do not have to master P-2 before a young person is allowed their own meeting. And their meeting is not a hearing about you.

You can tell your family that, if you have the breath for it. You can also skip the explanation. A link left on the counter is enough. You are not their sponsor, and you are not their defendant.

You can sit while they keep reading

You can sit and listen, or you can share. Introducing yourself is not mandatory. You need not join a prayer. Afterward, talk is optional, which matters if you are already talked out from the kitchen. Closed meetings are for members, or for people with a drinking problem and a desire to stop drinking. Open meetings are for anyone interested, and nonalcoholics may attend as observers. If a relative wants to come and watch, that is an open meeting question, and it is still not a quiz. You can also go alone.

Meetings are in person, online, or by phone. Online can be video on, video off, or dial-in. If you cannot stand being looked at after being cross-examined, choose video off. aa.org is not a meeting finder. Use the meetings search and confirm the time, because those listings are not verified. Local lists are the ones to trust for the hour.

People there talk about what drinking did, what they did to stop, and how they live now. The point is experience, strength, and hope. Nobody needs your family's marked-up copy to let you hear that. The group sets the format. You might land in discussion, a speaker meeting, or a beginners hour. None of those formats is a retake of the kitchen.

If you are sick while they are still talking

Call 911 if you are sick, confused, or cannot breathe. Call or text 988 if you are in a mental health crisis. A pamphlet fight is not medical care. NIAAA says alcohol withdrawal can be life-threatening when a person who drinks heavily over time stops suddenly. NIDA says mutual-help groups such as A.A. are peer-led, not led by healthcare professionals, and not a substitute for treatment. The meeting is peer support, not detox. FindTreatment.gov lists programs. SAMHSA's National Helpline, 1-800-662-HELP (4357), is free, confidential, and available 24/7 in English and Spanish.

Leave the grade in the kitchen

Tonight, you do not owe them a passing score. Find a meeting, confirm it, and listen. If they are still reading P-2 when you get home, the chair you sat in still counts. Membership is a desire to stop drinking. It is voluntary. You can want that and still be furious at the way they asked. Both can be true while you listen to someone else tell the truth for an hour.

Call (800) 653-9376 if you need treatment; the call is free to you, treatment providers pay for the referral, the line is not an intergroup, and the line is not A.A., and it is not SMART Recovery.

Additional Resources

Sources cited on this page:

• A.A. World Services: 2025 Literature Catalog
• A.A.: The Twelve Traditions
• A.A.: What to Expect at an A.A. Meeting
• A.A.: Need help with a drinking problem?
• A.A.: Find A.A. near you
• Al-Anon Family Groups: What is Al-Anon and Alateen?
• NIDA: Treatment, including mutual-help groups
• NIAAA Core Resource: Alcohol Use Disorder, From Risk to Diagnosis to Recovery
• SAMHSA National Helpline
• SAMHSA FindTreatment.gov
• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
• SmarterRecovery meetings page (public meeting search; listings are not verified)
• SmarterRecovery about page (calling is free to the caller)

Common Questions