Key takeaway
Step 3 is the decision to turn your will and your life over to the care of God as you understood God. The Big Book calls it a decision, not a feeling, and says the wording is optional as long as you mean it. It is followed by action, not perfection.
Last updated: Sat Oct 17 2026 00:00:00 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)
You have heard the sentence read at meetings and maybe said it yourself without knowing what you were agreeing to. Step Three can sound like signing over your whole life to something you cannot see. The actual step is narrower than that, and the book that introduced it spends several pages explaining what the decision does and does not mean.
If you are physically sick from stopping alcohol, put the step down and get medical help. NIAAA says alcohol withdrawal can be life threatening when people who drink heavily stop suddenly. Call 911 for a seizure, severe confusion, or trouble breathing. Call or text 988 if the night turns into a mental health crisis. A step is not detox.
The step as it is printed
Here is the sentence, unchanged:
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
That is the whole of Step Three. It is listed with the other eleven on aa.org and appears at the start of the chapter How It Works in the book Alcoholics Anonymous. Everything else people say about the step is commentary, including mine.
What the words mean in the book
Chapter 5 does not begin with instructions to pray harder. It begins with an argument about self-will. The first requirement, it says, is to be convinced that a life run on self-will can hardly be a success. It compares the self-willed person to an actor who wants to run the whole show: the lights, the scenery, the other players, all arranged to suit him. When the arrangements fail, he tries harder, then decides the world is treating him badly.
The chapter names the problem plainly: selfishness and self-centeredness are, in its words, the root of our troubles. Driven by fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, the person steps on other people and then wonders why they retaliate. Step Three is the decision to stop playing director. The book puts it this way: we had to quit playing God, and hereafter God was going to be our Director.
You do not have to accept every sentence of that argument to work the step. You only have to be willing to admit that your own management of the next drink has not been working. That admission is the doorway.
The prayer is optional. The decision is not.
After the explanation, Chapter 5 gives a prayer that many members have used:
God, I offer myself to Thee — to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!
Then the book says something people miss: the wording was quite optional, so long as the idea was expressed, voiced without reservation. In other words, the prayer is a tool, not a password. You can say it as written, say a sentence of your own, or write it on the back of a meeting schedule. What matters is that you mean the direction you are choosing.
What people get wrong
The first mistake is treating Step Three as a promise that craving will disappear. It is not. The book calls the decision a beginning and says it could have little permanent effect unless it was followed by strenuous effort to face what had been blocking the person. Feelings change slowly. The decision is about what you do while they do.
The second mistake is turning the step into a performance. Some meetings pray together, and that can be a comfort. You are also allowed to sit quietly. Nobody is grading your posture.
The third mistake is waiting until your understanding of God is finished. The phrase as we understood Him assumes your understanding is a work in progress. You can take the step with a borrowed God, a vague power, or a group of sober people you have watched keep their word. You do not have to resolve your theology first.
How people actually take it
Some people say the prayer out loud with a sponsor or a friend. Some say it alone in a car before a meeting. Some write it in a notebook and read it back when they are tempted. Chapter 5 says it is desirable to take this step with an understanding person, such as a spouse, a best friend, or a spiritual adviser, but adds that it is better to meet God alone than with someone who might misunderstand. That sentence gives you permission to be careful about who witnesses this.
If you want company, ask someone after a meeting how they took Step Three. You are not asking them to take it for you. You are asking for their experience, which is what the sponsorship pamphlet is built from.
What comes next
Step Three is not the finish line, and it is not the whole program. In the Big Book, the decision is immediately followed by a course of vigorous action, beginning with a personal housecleaning. That is Step Four: a written inventory of resentments, fears, and conduct. If you are not ready for that page yet, you are not late. You can make the decision today and start the inventory when you have someone to walk through it with you.
If you need treatment rather than a step, call (800) 653-9376. The call is free to you, and treatment providers pay for the referral service. The line is not A.A. SAMHSA's National Helpline, 1-800-662-HELP (4357), is free, confidential, and available around the clock in English and Spanish.
The decision is one sentence. You do not have to feel holy to say it. You only have to be done trusting the part of you that kept saying one more would be fine.
Additional Resources
Sources cited on this page:
- A.A.: The Twelve Steps
- Alcoholics Anonymous, Chapter 5: How It Works (pp. 58-71), official PDF
- A.A.: The Big Book
- A.A.: The Twelve Traditions
- A.A.: Questions and Answers on Sponsorship (P-15)
- A.A.: What to Expect at an A.A. Meeting
- NIAAA Core Resource on Alcohol: Alcohol Use Disorder, From Risk to Diagnosis to Recovery
- NIDA: Treatment
- SAMHSA National Helpline
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
Common Questions
What is the exact wording of Step Three?
The printed step in the book Alcoholics Anonymous reads: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. The same wording appears on aa.org and in the chapter How It Works. Notice that it says a decision. It does not say a feeling, a vow, or a guarantee.
Do I have to say the prayer in the Big Book to take Step Three?
No. Chapter 5 gives a prayer that many members have used, beginning God, I offer myself to Thee. It also says the wording was quite optional so long as the idea was expressed without reservation. You can use your own words. What the step asks for is the decision, not a script.
What if I do not believe in God?
The step says God as we understood Him. That leaves room for an understanding that is unfinished, borrowed, or very different from the God you grew up with. A.A.'s Tradition Three says the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking, so belief is not a membership test. You can be honest about where you are and still make the decision.
Can I take Step Three alone?
Chapter 5 says it is desirable to take this step with an understanding person, such as a spouse, a best friend, or a spiritual adviser, but that it is better to meet God alone than with someone who might misunderstand. So yes, you can do it alone. Many people say the words to another member later, or write them down and read them to a sponsor.
Does Step Three mean I will stop wanting to drink?
No. The Big Book treats the decision as a beginning, not a cure. It says the decision could have little permanent effect unless it was followed by strenuous effort to face the things that had been blocking the person. Craving can still show up. Step Three is about which direction you will take when it does.