Key takeaway
SAMHSA's community dimension includes friendship. Its motivation protocol says friends whose time together is drinking or drug use are unlikely to support recovery, and that friends who share another interest are a better fit. Changing a circle is not the same as cutting off every person you knew. The difference is what you do together.
Last updated: Mon Oct 05 2026 00:00:00 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)
The people you used with are texting, and you do not know whether answering makes you a bad friend or ignoring them makes you lonely for nothing. Friendship is not a side topic in SAMHSA's working definition. Community, one of the four dimensions, is relationships and social networks that provide support, friendship, love, and hope. The relational principle goes further. People leave unhealthy or unfulfilling roles and take on new ones. Friend is one of the examples, beside partner, caregiver, student, and employee. The change SAMHSA is describing is not "delete your phone." It is a shift in who is actually in the network, and in what you do together.
The wide version, family and peers and meetings and friends as one web, is the support-network guide. The feeling of being stranded is the loneliness guide. Romantic relationships are the dating guide. The friendship circle is the subject here.
If someone is being hurt, will not wake, or cannot breathe, call 911. For a mental health crisis, call or text 988.
What the time together is organized around
TIP 35, SAMHSA's motivation protocol, talks to clinicians about enlisting social support. One item is blunt. Social support often means doing things that do not involve substance use. Close friends who already share an interest other than drinking or drug use are good candidates for that role. Members of social groups who drink and use drugs are not likely to offer the support the person needs in recovery.
That is a distinction between a friend and a using partner. It is narrower than ending every old relationship. A person who will have dinner without alcohol is in a different category from a person who is offended if you do not drink. The protocol does not ask you to pretend the second person is support. It also does not ask you to invent a moral case against the first.
The same chapter says some people are not connected to any network that is not organized around substance use. Addiction, it says, may have narrowed their focus until they have trouble recalling activities that once held interest. Most people, it adds, still have an unfulfilled desire to pursue some activity. The examples a counselor might hear are ordinary: ballroom dancing, a martial art, a writing class. Those are illustrations, not assignments. The leisure question, including the warning that some activities lead back to bars and old cues, is the hobbies guide. TIP 35's point here is social. Seeking the activity is also a way of making new friends. New does not mean instant, and a class is not a personality transplant.
Recovery groups are the other route the chapter names. They can provide social support for behavior change, role models, recovering friendship networks, and hope that recovery is possible. TIP 35 cites research linking participation in Alcoholics Anonymous with positive alcohol-related, psychological, and social outcomes. That is an association reported in the protocol. It is not an order to attend, it is not the only mutual-aid option, and it is not a result anyone can promise you. Meetings, clinical care, and a referral line are separated on the peer-support guide.
Early weeks, without a loyalty test
SAMHSA's Matrix handbook, for people in a stimulant outpatient model, lists friends and associates who use among five common challenges in the first weeks of treatment. The want it names is familiar: to keep seeing old friends, including friends who use. The approaches it suggests are to try to meet people at mutual-help meetings, to try hobbies that raise the chance of meeting people who are not using, and to plan activities with friends or family who are abstinent. That list stays in the early practical frame on the first 90 days guide. It is a handout for that model. It is not a loyalty test.
The handbook's relapse-prevention materials also say it is difficult to give up friends and activities that were part of a substance-using lifestyle, and that friends and family who do not use may not be ready to risk the relationship again. The person can feel stranded between groups. That is the loneliness page's subject. The feeling can pull someone back toward use. The pull does not make the old circle safe. It does make the quiet real. The limit you may need to say out loud is the boundaries guide. A limit is not the same as contempt.
The About Recovery page says recovery is supported by peers, friends, and family, and that pathways include clinical treatment, medications, faith-based approaches, peer support, family support, self-care, and other approaches. A friendship that requires you to hide a prescribed medicine, or to skip care, is working against that list. A check-in person, a sponsor, and a peer specialist are separated from a counselor on the accountability guide. A new friend is not required to be any of those. A sponsor is not required to be your only friend.
No passing grade for the guest list
SAMHSA does not treat any number of sober friends as a passing grade. Dating advice about a waiting period is not a rule for when you may have a meal with someone new. Person-driven recovery means you help decide who is in the circle. Clinicians, in TIP 35, are told not to impose goals. A guest list is yours.
If you want help finding treatment while the social part is shifting, search FindTreatment.gov. SAMHSA's National Helpline, 1-800-662-HELP (4357), is the federal referral line. Call or text (800) 653-9376 if you want help finding the clinical room. SmarterRecovery is a referral helpline. SMART Recovery is a separate mutual-help program. Friendship is built in rooms and over time.
Additional Resources
Sources cited on this page:
- SAMHSA: Working Definition of Recovery (PEP12-RECDEF)
- SAMHSA: About Recovery
- SAMHSA TIP 35, Chapter 6: From preparation to action (NCBI Bookshelf)
- SAMHSA: Client's Handbook, Matrix Intensive Outpatient Treatment for People With Stimulant Use Disorders (SMA 15-4154)
- SAMHSA FindTreatment.gov
- SAMHSA National Helpline
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
Common Questions
Do I have to end every friendship from before?
No. TIP 35 tells clinicians that members of groups who drink and use drugs are not likely to offer the support someone needs, and that close friends with a history of shared interests other than substance use are good candidates for support. The test in that protocol is what the time together is organized around. A friend who will see you without substances is not the same as a friend who expects you to use.
What if I do not have friends who are not using?
TIP 35 says some people are not connected to any network that is not organized around substance use, and that addiction can narrow attention until it is hard to recall activities that once mattered. It also says most people have an unfulfilled wish to pursue some activity, and that looking for that activity is one way new friends get made. Recovery groups, in the same chapter, can provide a recovering friendship network. That is an option. It is not an order, and it is not instant.
Is loneliness proof I chose the wrong people to step back from?
The loneliness guide, drawing on SAMHSA's Matrix handbook, treats loneliness as a common strain in recovery, including the strain of leaving friends who still use. The feeling can raise relapse risk. It is not a verdict that the boundary was a mistake, and it is not a reason to go back to a using circle just to fill the quiet. A new tie can be slow. Slow is not failure.
Are new friends the same as a sponsor or a treatment plan?
No. Friendship sits in SAMHSA's community dimension: support, friendship, love, and hope. A sponsor and a peer specialist are specific roles the accountability guide separates from clinical care. A friend is not a counselor because you like them, and a counselor is not automatically a friend. The support-network guide is the wider mix of family, peers, and meetings. The circle of friends is the narrower question.
What if a friend is unsafe, or I am in crisis around them?
Leave the situation if you can, and get help. If someone is being hurt, will not wake, or cannot breathe, call 911. For a mental health crisis, call or text 988. TIP 35's point about social groups and substance use is not advice to stay in a relationship that is violent. The boundaries guide is about limits. A friendship conversation is not a safety plan by itself.