When a Room Feels Impossible

A room full of people feels like a test you will fail. A drink, or a drug, has been how you walk in. You do not have to decide tonight whether that fear has a diagnosis. You do have to stay safe, and you do have to tell someone about both.

If you are in immediate danger, or someone will not wake, call 911. If you are struggling or thinking about suicide, call or text 988. Do not borrow a benzodiazepine to get through an event. Stopping one suddenly can cause seizures, and combining one with alcohol or opioids can slow breathing enough to kill. If you already have one in the house, read benzodiazepine withdrawal before you stop it tonight.

Tell them about the rooms and the using

Call a clinician and describe the fear and what you have been using to get through it. NIMH describes social anxiety disorder as a strong fear of being watched, judged, or rejected. Speaking, meeting people, a date, or eating in front of others can all carry it. To meet the disorder, the fear gets in the way of work, school, or relationships, and it lasts at least six months. A provider may also check that another physical problem is not the cause. One awful party is not that history.

You do not have to force yourself into the event as homework. Exposure therapy is gradual work with a professional. It is not a dare. If a clinician offers it, ask about their training and what they do if your drinking or drug use rises in those weeks. You do not run that worksheet alone.

After the drink stops doing the job

SAMHSA's Matrix handbook notes that alcohol can make people feel less self-conscious and more sociable. If that was why you drank, rooms can feel raw once you stop. Tell the clinician that. It does not mean alcohol was treating a disorder, and it does not mean every quiet person in recovery has one. Loneliness, the loss of people, is a different hurt. If the room is empty rather than frightening, read loneliness in recovery. Social fear can show up in a full room.

Social anxiety often travels with alcohol or other substance misuse, and people with it are less likely to ask for help for the fear itself. Ask for both in one plan. If panic shows up when you stop, say that. If leaving the house is the barrier, ask whether counseling can happen by video. Telehealth for addiction treatment explains how that visit works. A video visit is not a diagnosis.

Search FindTreatment.gov and ask whether they can look at substance use and an anxiety disorder, or coordinate with someone who can. Call or text (800) 653-9376 if the fear of being seen is tangled up with drinking or drug use and you want help finding care for both.

Additional Resources

Sources cited on this page:

• NIMH: Social Anxiety Disorder: What You Need to Know
• NIMH: Finding help for co-occurring substance use and mental disorders
• NIDA: Co-occurring disorders and health conditions
• SAMHSA: Co-occurring disorders and other health conditions
• SAMHSA: Client's Handbook, Matrix Intensive Outpatient Treatment for People With Stimulant Use Disorders (SMA 15-4154)
• FDA: Boxed warning to improve safe use of benzodiazepines
• SAMHSA FindTreatment.gov
• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
• SmarterRecovery about page (referral disclosure)

Common Questions