Key takeaway
Someone said keep coming back and it felt like a slap. You can let the sentence be clumsy kindness. You do not have to thank them. You can come back once more, tonight or tomorrow, or you can choose a different meeting.
Last updated: 2026-10-06
Someone said keep coming back, and it landed like a slap. Maybe they smiled. Maybe they said it the way people say a slogan when they cannot think of a human sentence. Your chest heard an order. You do not have to thank them.
Let the sentence be clumsy kindness if you can, and if you cannot, let it be a sentence that missed. You are allowed to feel it and still want help. You are also allowed to want help from a different mouth. Nothing about a sting means you have to explain your face by the coffee urn.
If you are in N.A., the newcomer pamphlet does suggest that you keep coming back after a first meeting. That is a suggestion on a page, not a tone you have to admire. The person in front of you may have been reaching for that suggestion and still hit you with it. You pick the next hour.
If you are in A.A., a desire to stop drinking is the membership line. It is not a promise you recite to a stranger so they will feel useful. You can come back once more, tonight or tomorrow. You can also choose a different meeting so the sentence is not waiting for you in the same doorway. Both are allowed. You do not owe this particular room your next Tuesday.
The free Meeting Guide app lists in-person and online meetings. Phone meetings exist if another room of faces is too much after this one. Look before you talk yourself into the old plan on the drive home.
If the slap turned into wanting to disappear, call or text 988 before you put the car in gear. NIDA says a mutual-help group is not treatment. For a treatment referral, call (800) 653-9376. The call is free to you. Treatment providers pay for the referral.
Additional Resources
Sources cited on this page:
- A.A.: Need help with a drinking problem?
- A.A.: What to Expect at an A.A. Meeting
- A.A.: Find A.A. Near You
- A.A.: Meeting Guide app
- NA: What is NA?
- NA: IP 29, An Introduction to NA Meetings
- NA: IP 16, For the Newcomer
- NA virtual meeting search
- NIDA: Treatment, including mutual-help groups
- NIAAA Core Resource: Alcohol Use Disorder
- 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline
- SAMHSA National Helpline
- SAMHSA FindTreatment.gov
- SmarterRecovery meetings search
- SmarterRecovery about page
Common Questions
Do I have to thank them?
No. You can nod, or you can walk to the car. A sentence that stung does not create a debt. Clumsy kindness is still clumsy. You are allowed to feel the slap and also not make a scene about it in the parking lot.
Does the phrase mean I am supposed to stay in this exact meeting?
It means someone wants you to return somewhere. It does not chain you to the chair you are in. You can come back once more, tonight or tomorrow, or you can pick a different meeting. Meeting Guide can show you another time.
I heard it in N.A. Is it from their literature?
The newcomer pamphlet suggests that after a first meeting you keep coming back. A suggestion in a pamphlet is not a tone of voice. The person may have meant the suggestion and still landed it badly. You get to choose the next meeting anyway.
What if I do not want to come back at all?
Then do not promise them anything. A desire to stop drinking is the A.A. membership line, not a pledge you recite to a stranger by the coffee. If you still want to stop, another meeting on another night is enough of a plan. You can also sit in the car and do nothing for ten minutes.
The slap made me want to disappear.
If that want includes hurting yourself, call or text 988 before you drive. A meeting is not a crisis service. You can pick a different meeting tomorrow, and you still do not have to thank the person who stung you.