Alateen When You Are the Teenager

The house got loud again, or it got that heavy quiet, and you are in your room with the door shut. Maybe a parent said you should go talk to someone. Maybe you searched this yourself after another night of listening through the wall. You are the young person who lives with someone else's drinking. The meeting can be yours. It does not have to be a chore they wrote on a list.

Alateen is part of Al-Anon Family Groups. It is a fellowship of young people, mostly teenagers, whose lives have been affected by someone else's drinking, whether that person is drinking now or not. By going, you meet other young people in similar situations. Alateen is not a religious program. There are no fees or dues to belong to it.

If you are the adult who opened this over someone's shoulder, your meeting is Al-Anon. The rest of this is for the young person.

Nobody gets to assign you the hour

A parent can tell you the name. A counselor at school can mention it. An older sister can send you a link when she is worried. None of that turns the meeting into homework with their name on the top. You decide whether you go. You decide whether you speak. You can show up because you are tired of carrying the mood of the house, not because someone needs proof that you are "working on it."

It is all right if you are angry that they suggested it. Suggestion from an adult and ownership of the chair are two different things. You can take the ride and still keep the hour. You can also wait until you want it. Waiting is not the same as pretending the drinking is fine. Plenty of nights, pretending is the job the house already gave you. You do not have to add a performance on top.

The longer Alateen introduction is there if you want the wider picture later. Tonight, stay with this: the room is for you, the young person in the situation. It is not a parent meeting you attend so they can feel like they did something.

They do not have to be drinking tonight

Some weeks the house is worse. Some weeks they are asleep early and everyone acts like the story ended. Alateen still fits whether that person is drinking now or not. You do not have to catch them in the act to deserve a chair. The effect on your life is enough. That can be the way you study with one ear on the hallway. It can be the plans you cancel. It can be the shame you feel at school when a story from home almost slips out.

You might love them and still need the meeting. Those two things sit in the same person all the time. You are not betraying them by wanting a room where the subject is what this has done to you. Other young people there have lived versions of the same split. You do not have to explain your whole family tree to take a seat.

There is no fee and no due. You are not signing up for a church by walking in. If a sentence sounds religious to you, you can let it pass without adopting it. Your own beliefs, including none, can stay yours. That is a longer conversation on its own page. You do not need to settle it before you try one meeting.

Getting there without handing the night back to them

If you need a ride, you can ask for the ride and still keep the meeting as yours. You can look up how Al-Anon and Alateen meetings are found in the finder guide and see what is actually listed, then ask one adult you trust. The meetings search on this site lists A.A. and N.A. The site does not verify each listing. That search is for people looking up those fellowships. It is not your Alateen list.

If getting out is impossible tonight, you still do not have to spend the night convincing yourself you imagined the drinking. Write down one meeting you will try when you can leave, or ask the adult who is safe to help you find it tomorrow. The family guide is written more for adults. You can ignore the parts that are not your life.

Call 911 if someone is hurting you, about to hurt you, or needs emergency medical care. Call or text 988 if you are in a mental health crisis. Do not wait for a meeting to make you safe. Alateen is peer support. NIDA describes mutual-help groups such as A.A. as peer-led, not led by healthcare professionals, and not a substitute for treatment. They are not detox. You are not the clinician for the adult who drinks.

If that adult drinks heavily and stops suddenly, NIAAA says alcohol withdrawal can be life-threatening. A teen meeting cannot manage that. Call 911. The withdrawal guide is for understanding those signs, not for putting you in charge of them.

SAMHSA's National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) is free, confidential, and answered in English and Spanish. An adult can use it to look toward treatment. FindTreatment.gov lists programs. If an adult needs help finding treatment, call or text (800) 653-9376. You do not pay for that call. Treatment providers pay for the referral service. The line is not A.A., and it is not SMART Recovery. The line is not Al-Anon or Nar-Anon, and it does not enroll you in a teen meeting.

Tonight, if you want the chair, pick one Alateen meeting and go because you chose it. If you are not safe, call 911 before you think about a room at all.

Additional Resources

Sources cited on this page:

• Al-Anon Family Groups: What is Al-Anon and Alateen?
• NIDA: Treatment
• NIAAA Core Resource on Alcohol
• SAMHSA National Helpline
• FindTreatment.gov
• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
• SmarterRecovery meetings search
• SmarterRecovery about and referral line

Common Questions