Key takeaway
The meeting is ending and people are making a circle or holding hands. You do not want to be touched. Step back, keep your hands to yourself, or leave before it forms. Some groups end this way. Yours does not have to include your hands.
Last updated: 2026-10-06
Chairs are scraping. People are standing. A circle is forming, or hands are finding other hands, and your stomach has already voted no. You do not want to be touched. You can step back.
You do not have to wait until someone has your wrist to discover this. Leave while they are still folding chairs, or stand a step outside the ring with your hands in your pockets. You do not owe the room a speech about why. Not wanting hands on you is enough.
Not every group does this. Do not let one ending convince you that every ending is a circle. Many A.A. meetings close with a moment of silence and a prayer. In a lot of N.A. meetings, people gather in a circle for a short prayer or a reading. That is a custom in many places. It is not a rule that your body joins. The N.A. pamphlet also says that if hugs are the greeting and you do not want one, say so.
If the words at the end are a prayer you do not want in your mouth, you can stay quiet for that too. There is a plain guide on the serenity prayer and staying quiet. Silence is allowed. So is the hallway.
The meeting you came for has already happened if you listened. Listening was enough. The last two minutes are not a tollbooth. You can come back another night and skip the ending again. There are no dues or fees attached to whether you held on.
Get to the door. If the want to be untouched is tangled up with wanting to hurt yourself, call or text 988 from the car. NIDA says a mutual-help group is not treatment. For a treatment referral, call (800) 653-9376. The call is free to you. Treatment providers pay for the referral.
Additional Resources
Sources cited on this page:
- A.A.: Need help with a drinking problem?
- A.A.: What to Expect at an A.A. Meeting
- A.A.: Find A.A. Near You
- A.A.: Meeting Guide app
- NA: What is NA?
- NA: IP 29, An Introduction to NA Meetings
- NA: IP 16, For the Newcomer
- NA virtual meeting search
- NIDA: Treatment, including mutual-help groups
- NIAAA Core Resource: Alcohol Use Disorder
- 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline
- SAMHSA National Helpline
- SAMHSA FindTreatment.gov
- SmarterRecovery meetings search
- SmarterRecovery about page
Common Questions
Do I have to hold hands?
No. Step back before the circle closes, keep your hands to yourself, or leave while people are still pushing chairs. You do not have to announce a reason. Not wanting to be touched is a complete reason. Some meetings end in a circle. That custom is not a claim on your body.
Will I look rude if I stay back?
You will look like a person who did not join. That is fine. Many A.A. meetings close with a moment of silence and a prayer, and in a lot of N.A. meetings people gather in a circle. Neither description says your hands are required. There is a whole other guide on staying quiet through the serenity prayer.
What if someone reaches for me anyway?
Move your hand. Say no thanks. You do not have to laugh it off. At an N.A. meeting, if a hug is the custom and you do not want it, the pamphlet says to say so, and that most members will understand. The same plain no works in A.A.
Can I leave before it starts?
Yes. The meeting has already happened. The ending ritual is extra. You can be in the hallway while they finish. Coming back next time does not depend on whether you held a stranger's hand tonight.
I feel shaky about more than the circle.
If you might hurt yourself, call or text 988 once you are outside. Step back from the circle first so nobody has your hand. You can leave before it forms. Your hands stay yours either way.