You Still Want to Drink and Feel Wrong Here

The want is in your mouth. People around you are talking as if drinking is a country they left, and you are still standing on the platform with a ticket you have not torn up. You keep your hands under your thighs so nobody sees them. You are sure the chair was saved for someone who already looks recovered, and that if you speak, the room will hear the drink in the sentence and know you are the wrong person.

You are not the wrong person for this hour. The short form of Tradition Five is one sentence: each group has but one primary purpose — to carry its message to the alcoholic who still suffers. The person who still hurts is not a guest who wandered into the wrong class. That person is the reason the group has a purpose at all. If you still want a drink, and some part of you wants to stop, you are inside that sentence. You do not have to look finished to sit down.

The craving does not cancel the chair

The only membership requirement is a desire to stop drinking. Wanting a drink at the start of the meeting and wanting to stop can be true in the same body. The meeting information does not ask you to arrive with the want already gone. A closed meeting is for members, or for people who have a drinking problem and have a desire to stop drinking. An open meeting is for anyone interested in A.A.'s program of recovery. The craving is not an application you have to pass at the door.

The newcomer page says anyone with a desire to stop drinking is welcome, and that you do not have to pay. There are no dues or fees. You can sit and listen, or you can share. That choice is completely up to you. The chair often asks if anyone new wants to introduce themselves. You do not have to answer. If the only thing you can do tonight is keep the chair warm and hear other people, that is enough. The listening guide is the longer version of that permission.

What you are hearing, on a night that is working, is people talking about what drinking did to them and to the people around them, what actions they took to stop, and how they are living now. They share experience, strength, and hope so they may solve a common problem and help others recover from alcoholism. You do not have to supply the hope. You can borrow a little of theirs by staying seated. The message is being carried toward the person who still suffers. Tonight that can be you, even if you do not raise your hand.

If one room makes you feel counterfeit, another group can feel different. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or A.A. as a whole, and formats take on the feel of the local area. A beginner meeting is one place people go when the regular room feels like it already knows the ending. You can also read how the door actually works if the fear is that you have not qualified. The line is the desire. It is not a performance of peace.

Wanting a drink is not the same as a body in danger

Craving is miserable. It is not the same thing as withdrawal, and it is not nothing if your body is coming apart.

If you have been drinking heavily and you are about to stop suddenly, do not ask a meeting to hold that. NIAAA's core resource says alcohol withdrawal can be life-threatening when a person who drinks heavily over time stops suddenly. If you are sick, shaking, or confused, call 911. A meeting is not detox. It cannot watch that for you. The emergency guide is the page to open if you are trying to decide whether this is a hospital night.

NIDA describes mutual-help groups such as A.A. as peer-led. They are not led by healthcare professionals, and they are not a substitute for treatment. Peer support can sit with the want. It cannot replace a clinician when stopping is medically dangerous.

If the want tips into a mental health crisis, if you do not trust yourself alone with it, call or text 988. SAMHSA's National Helpline, 1-800-662-HELP (4357), is free, confidential, and answered in English and Spanish.

Sit through this one

You do not have to announce that you still want to drink. You do not have to pretend you do not. You can let other people talk, and you can leave when the meeting ends. People often stay and talk afterward. That part is optional. If someone offers help, you can tell them you do not want to talk, or you can leave without an explanation.

aa.org does not contain a meeting finder. It points you to local A.A. resources and to online meetings. The meetings search here lists times and places, and those listings are not verified, so confirm before you travel. Meetings happen in person, online, and by phone. If the room you are in feels like it was built for people who are already done, you can still finish this meeting by listening, and you can look for another one if this group's tone is ice.

If you need treatment rather than another hour of sitting with the want, call or text (800) 653-9376. The call is free to you. Treatment providers pay for the referral. The line is not A.A., and it is not SMART Recovery. You can also look on FindTreatment.gov.

Tonight, if you are medically shaky, call 911 first. If you are safe enough to stay seated, stay and listen. The purpose of the group is the person who is still hurting. That includes the version of you who still wants a drink.

Additional Resources

Sources cited on this page:

• A.A.: The Twelve Traditions
• A.A.: Information about meetings
• A.A.: New to A.A.
• A.A.: Find A.A. near you
• NIDA: Treatment
• NIAAA Core Resource on Alcohol
• SAMHSA National Helpline
• FindTreatment.gov
• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
• SmarterRecovery meetings search
• SmarterRecovery about and referral line

Common Questions