They Want You as Secretary Forever

Key takeaway

You are new, and the group wants you to keep the secretary job with no ending. You can say no. Tradition Nine's long form says rotating leadership is best, and a small group may elect its secretary. Servants do not govern. You can refuse an open-ended job and still belong in the room tonight.

Last updated: Tue Oct 06 2026 00:00:00 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)

They smiled when they asked. You are new, and the smile mattered. The notebook, the keys, the coffee, whatever this group folds into the word secretary. You said you would think about it, or you heard yourself say yes because these are the first people who have been kind. Then you heard the shape of the ask. Not "for a little while." Not with an ending. They want you to keep it. You are afraid that no will mark you as ungrateful, and that yes will swallow the only room where you have told the truth about the drinking.

You can say no. A no does not hand back your membership.

Forever is the part you can refuse

A small group may elect its secretary. That is the long form of Tradition Nine, and it is how the job exists at all. Election is a group choosing a person. It is not a life sentence that activates when a newcomer is too polite to refuse. The same long form says rotating leadership is best. Rotating means the role moves. An ask with no ending is pulling against that, even when the person asking is sincere and tired and hoping you will save them from the notebook.

You were not given a length to recite. You can refuse the open-ended job. You can help on a single night and then stop. You can say no before you ever hold the book. A short no, spoken to the person who asked, is enough. You do not owe a speech about your calendar, your sponsor, or your worthiness.

In April 1946, Bill W. wrote in the Grapevine: "I offer these suggestions neither as one man's dictum nor as a creed of any kind." The Traditions began as guidance while A.A. grew, and they are guidelines, not rules. You can love the room and decline the job.

Servants do not govern, in either direction

Servants do not govern. If you took the notebook forever, you would still not own the group. If you refuse it, the person who keeps asking still does not own you. The Group Secretary Is Not the Boss is the guide for the fear that the secretary is in charge of your membership. Read it when that is the fear. This fear is the mirror. They want the new person to become the permanent servant. Permanent servant is a phrase the tradition will not bless. Rotating leadership is best. You are allowed to be a member who sits.

The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. The long form says membership ought never depend on money or conformity. Showing up forever with the notebook would be a heavy conformity to hang on someone who just got here. There are no dues or fees. Service is not a fee paid in hours. You can sit and listen. Introducing yourself is not mandatory. You need not join a prayer. What to expect at a first meeting is the ordinary hour. A beginner meeting is one place groups let newcomers be new. You can attend open or closed meetings as what you are, a person with a desire to stop, and never touch a sign-in sheet.

Groups choose their own format. If they are hurt that you said no, they can elect someone else. A small group may elect its secretary. The next pair of hands can belong to someone who wants the work. Rotating leadership is still best.

If you already said yes

You can stop. Gratitude is not a contract. Tell the person who asked that you will not keep the job indefinitely. You do not have to name an ending. You do not have to recruit your replacement in the same breath, though you can mention that the group may elect someone. Then go back to being a member. If the room gets cold because you stepped down, you are allowed to feel that cold and still leave the role down. Membership is voluntary. You can try another meeting. How to find one is the search. Online meetings exist, including video-off, if you want a night where nobody hands you a notebook. aa.org is not a meeting finder. Local lists are. Confirm the listing. The meetings search on this site is not verified here.

People share experience, strength, and hope. That can include how they learned to say no to a job that was eating them. You do not have to share it. You can listen. A.A. has no authority to decide that your recovery must include this particular chore. Wanting to stop drinking is the whole requirement. The coffee can be made by someone who slept last night.

If you are sick while they are asking

A job ask is not an emergency. Your body might be. If you are sick, confused, or cannot breathe, call 911. If you are in a mental health crisis, call or text 988. The guilt of saying no can feel enormous on a raw night. It is still not a reason to skip care.

NIAAA says alcohol withdrawal can be life-threatening when a person who drinks heavily over time stops suddenly. NIDA describes mutual-help groups such as A.A. as peer-led, not led by healthcare professionals, and not a substitute for treatment. A meeting is peer support, not detox. A secretary notebook cannot manage withdrawal. The alcohol page will not either. Get care, and let the role go.

If you need help finding treatment, call (800) 653-9376, and the line is not A.A., and it is not SMART Recovery. The call is free to you. Treatment providers pay for the referral. The line is not an intergroup. SAMHSA's National Helpline, 1-800-662-HELP (4357), is free, confidential, and available all day and night in English and Spanish. FindTreatment.gov lists programs.

Tonight

Tell the person who asked that you will not keep the secretary job with no ending. Then go to the meeting as someone who sits. If you need a room where the ask is not waiting, use meetings and confirm the listing. You belong because you want to stop drinking. The notebook can find another pair of hands.

Additional Resources

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Common Questions

Can I say no if they want me to stay secretary?

Yes. You can say no. A small group may elect its secretary, and an election is not a trap you fall into by being new and grateful. The long form of Tradition Nine says rotating leadership is best. You were not given a length to recite. You can refuse the open-ended version, help once and then stop, or refuse before you start. A short no, said to the person who asked, is a complete answer.

Does the secretary run the group?

No. Servants do not govern. The guide The Group Secretary Is Not the Boss is about the person with the notebook, and the fact that the role does not own anybody's membership. Your fear is the other way around. They want you to be the one who never puts the notebook down. Taking the job would not make you the boss, and refusing it does not insult the tradition. The Traditions are guidelines, not rules.

Will I still belong if I refuse the job?

Yes. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. The long form says membership ought never depend on money or conformity. Keeping a job forever would be a heavy conformity to demand of a newcomer. There are no dues or fees. You can sit and listen. Introducing yourself is not mandatory. Service is something groups ask for. It is not required for the chair. You can be brand new and still be in the right room.

What if I already said yes and I hate it?

You can stop. Rotating leadership is best, which means the job was never meant as a permanent nameplate, even if the ask sounded permanent. Tell the person who handed it to you that you will not keep it indefinitely. You do not have to announce a term length. Groups choose how they fill roles, because groups choose their own format. Another member can be elected. If the room punishes you for stopping, that room is showing you something, and you can try a different meeting. Membership is voluntary.

What if the pressure lands on a night I am also sick?

The notebook can wait. Call 911 if you are sick, confused, or cannot breathe. Call or text 988 if you are in a mental health crisis. NIAAA says alcohol withdrawal can be life-threatening when a person who drinks heavily over time stops suddenly. NIDA says mutual-help groups such as A.A. are peer-led, not led by healthcare professionals, and not a substitute for treatment. A meeting is peer support, not detox. No secretary job outranks medical care. Say no, or say nothing, and get help.