Key takeaway
Someone in the room used the name you left. You can say the name you use now, or you can only listen. You do not have to explain your body. The welcome includes you regardless of gender. If the room is unkind, leave and try another, including online with the camera off.
Last updated: 2026-10-06
Someone said the name you do not use anymore. It might have been at the greeting, or when the chair read a list, or in a laugh that thought it was harmless. The name you left is in the room now, and your body heard it before you decided what to do with your face. You can feel the old name like a hand on your shoulder.
You can say the name you use. You can also only listen. You do not have to explain your body.
The name you use is enough
If you want to correct it, one sentence is a whole correction. Say the name you use, and stop. You do not owe a timeline, a medical story, or a defense. You do not have to say your name at all if the chair asks who is new. That introduction is not mandatory. You can just listen under whichever name you can stand to hear in your own head tonight.
Anyone with a desire to stop drinking is welcome, regardless of gender. Sexual orientation does not change that welcome either. There are no dues or fees. The membership test is the desire to stop drinking. You do not have to explain your life to take a chair.
You may hear a prayer. You do not have to join it. Silence is allowed. After the meeting, the talk by the door is optional. If that is where the old name keeps getting used, you can leave when the hour ends.
If the room gets unkind
Leave. Unkind is enough of a reason. You do not have to educate a room that has decided to be sharp. Try another meeting. An online meeting with the camera off is a real meeting, and some online meetings already work that way. There is a page on LGBTQ meetings you can start from. Confirm any time with the group before you go. Listings on this site are not verified.
Meetings are in person, online, or by telephone. A phone meeting keeps your face out of it if that is what you need tonight. aa.org does not contain a meeting finder. Meeting Guide lists local A.A. meetings. Confirm the details.
If the cruelty tips into wanting to hurt yourself, call or text 988. If you are in immediate danger, call 911. You can want to stop drinking and still refuse a room that will not use your name.
Tonight
Say the name you use once, or only listen. If the room is unkind, leave and try another door, including one with the camera off. Another meeting can use the name you use without a speech from you. You do not have to explain your body to be allowed to want to stop drinking.
If you need a treatment referral, call (800) 653-9376. The call is free to you. Treatment providers pay for the referral. If the night is a crisis, call or text 988. If you are in danger, call 911.
Additional Resources
Sources cited on this page:
- A.A.: What to Expect at an A.A. Meeting
- A.A.: Need help with a drinking problem?
- A.A.: The Twelve Traditions
- A.A.: Find A.A. Near You
- A.A.: Meeting Guide app
- NIDA: Treatment, including mutual-help groups
- NIAAA Core Resource: Alcohol Use Disorder
- 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline
- SAMHSA National Helpline
- SAMHSA FindTreatment.gov
- SmarterRecovery meetings search
- SmarterRecovery about page
Common Questions
Do I have to answer to the name I left?
You can correct it once, with the name you use, and then let the meeting continue. You can also let it pass and only listen. You do not have to give a history of the name, and you do not have to explain your body. The chair may ask newcomers to introduce themselves. That is not mandatory. You can pass. Welcome includes you regardless of gender.
Can I say the name I use?
Yes. Say the name you use, the way you would say it anywhere you expect to be addressed. You can say it to the chair, or to the person who used the old one, or you can write it on a nametag if the group has one. You do not have to explain why. If your mouth will not do it tonight, listening is enough. The membership test is a desire to stop drinking.
Do I have to explain my body or my history?
No. Your body is not a topic you owe the circle. You can listen. You can share about drinking if you want, and leave the rest out. If someone asks a question you do not want to answer, you can say you are just listening, or you can say nothing. Anyone with a desire to stop drinking is welcome regardless of gender. There are no dues or fees for the chair.
What if the room is unkind?
Leave. You do not have to finish the hour in a room that is unkind. Try another meeting, including an online one with the camera off. Some online meetings already allow video off. There is a page on LGBTQ meetings you can use as a start. Confirm any time with the group. Listings on this site are not verified.
Am I welcome regardless of gender?
Yes. The newcomer welcome includes you regardless of gender, and also regardless of sexual orientation. You do not have to prove it, dress a certain way, or tell a story to unlock the chair. A desire to stop drinking is the membership test. You can sit and listen. If a room forgets that welcome, the welcome still exists at another door, including one you attend by phone.