Key takeaway
The rideshare is waiting and you are still in the chair, not ready to go home. You can finish the meeting. You can also leave. Home might be loud. There is no prize for suffering in the parking lot after. If the car is not safe, do not get in.
Last updated: 2026-10-06
Your phone lit up. The car is outside, a minute away, then here, and you are still in the chair. You are not ready to go home. Home might be loud, or it might be the place the drink is. The driver does not know any of that. You can finish the meeting. You can also leave.
There is no prize for suffering in the parking lot after because you could not choose. If you are staying, cancel the ride and put the phone face down. You can listen through the last share. The ending does not require you to be the person with a car idling. After the meeting, staying to talk is up to you. So is walking out the second the hour closes, into a different car you order then.
If you are not safe getting into that car, do not get in. Call 911. A ride you dread is not the cost of having shown up. Stay in the building until there is another way out. You can tell someone in the room that you need a minute. You do not have to hand them the whole story to be allowed to stand near other people while you sort a safe exit.
If you do go home and the rooms are loud, a phone meeting can be the next hour. The free Meeting Guide app lists online meetings for the rest of the night. Headphones. A door that shuts. You are allowed to need the meeting twice.
Do not sit on the curb after, punishing yourself for having a body that did not want to go home. That curb is not a tradition. NIDA says a mutual-help group is not treatment. If the back seat is where you start thinking about hurting yourself, call or text 988 before the car moves. For a treatment referral, call (800) 653-9376. The call is free to you. Treatment providers pay for the referral.
Additional Resources
Sources cited on this page:
- A.A.: Need help with a drinking problem?
- A.A.: What to Expect at an A.A. Meeting
- A.A.: Find A.A. Near You
- A.A.: Meeting Guide app
- NIDA: Treatment, including mutual-help groups
- NIAAA Core Resource: Alcohol Use Disorder
- 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline
- SAMHSA National Helpline
- SAMHSA FindTreatment.gov
- SmarterRecovery meetings search
- SmarterRecovery about page
Common Questions
The car is here and the meeting is not over. What do I do?
You can finish the meeting and let the car go. You can also leave, get in if it is safe, and be done. There is no prize for sitting in the parking lot afterward because you could not pick. Home might be loud. The chair is allowed to hold you until the last share.
What if I am not safe getting into that car?
Do not get in. Call 911. A ride you are afraid of is not the price of having attended. You can stay in the building, with people, until you have a different way to leave. Tell the chair if you need a minute and a witness. You do not have to explain your whole life.
Can I join a phone meeting after I am home, if home is awful?
If you get home and the rooms are loud, a phone meeting is still a meeting. Meeting Guide lists online meetings too. You do not have to debrief the rideshare. Headphones and a closed door count. If home is dangerous, do not go there to prove you can.
I feel ridiculous making a driver wait.
Cancel the ride if you are staying. A waiting car is a clock, not a moral score. You can order another one when the meeting actually ends. The driver does not need your recovery explained in the app.
I do not want to go home and I do not want to stay.
Pick the safer of the two for the next twenty minutes, not the prettier one. If neither is safe, call 911. If you might hurt yourself in the back seat, call or text 988 before the car moves.