Key takeaway
They are new and they asked if you can drive them. You want to help and you do not know them. You can say no. A desire to stop drinking is not a job driving people home. If you drive, do not stop for a drink. If the car feels unsafe, stay out and call 911.
Last updated: Tue Oct 06 2026 00:00:00 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)
They waited until the chairs were stacked. They are new, or they say they are, and they asked if you are going their direction. Your keys are in your hand. Part of you wants to be the person who helped. Part of you does not want a stranger in the passenger seat, and you hate that part because it sounds mean.
You can say no. Useful and safe are allowed to be the same answer.
A ride is not the price of belonging
The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. It does not say you must have a back seat available. There are no dues or fees. You already stayed for the meeting. You can have listened and still walk to your own car alone.
"I can't tonight" is a full sentence. You can point them to a phone meeting or the Meeting Guide app if they need another way home to a meeting tomorrow. aa.org is not a finder. You are not abandoning them by refusing a car you do not trust.
Someone offering you a ride is a different night. That page is for when you are the one being asked to get in. Tonight you are the one with the keys.
If you do drive, name the stop
Say where you are going before the doors lock. Home, or the address they gave, and nowhere else. If they ask you to swing by a store, you can say no. If the mood changes, stop somewhere public and end the ride. If you are threatened, call 911. Do not negotiate with someone who is scaring you because they are new.
You are not their physician and not their sponsor unless you actually agreed to that, on a different day, with a clear head. NIDA says mutual-help groups are peer-led and not a substitute for treatment. A car ride is not treatment either.
If the guilt after a no makes you want to hurt yourself, call or text 988.
Your own night still counts
Go home, or go to the meeting you were already planning. The search on this site can help them, and you, find another time. Confirm the listing. These listings are not verified. FindTreatment.gov is there if what they need is a program, not a passenger seat. Call (800) 653-9376 for help finding treatment. The call is free to you. Treatment providers pay for the referral. The line is not A.A. and it is not SMART Recovery.
Say the limit before you unlock the door
If you are unsure, do not drive. Tell them you cannot, and point them toward a phone meeting or a ride they already know. If you drive, keep the stop you named. Your desire to stop drinking includes getting yourself home in one piece.
Additional Resources
Sources cited on this page:
- A.A.: The Twelve Traditions
- A.A.: What to Expect at an A.A. Meeting
- A.A.: Need help with a drinking problem?
- A.A.: Find A.A. Near You
- A.A.: Meeting Guide app
- NIDA: Treatment, including mutual-help groups
- 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline
- SAMHSA FindTreatment.gov
- SmarterRecovery meetings search
- SmarterRecovery about page
Common Questions
Do I have to give a newcomer a ride?
No. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. Helping someone find a meeting is different from getting in a car. You can say you cannot drive tonight. You can still point them to a phone meeting or the Meeting Guide app. A no is allowed.
What if I want to help and I am also scared?
Trust the scare if it is about safety. You can help by staying with them until a ride they already trust arrives, or by showing them a dial-in. You do not have to prove kindness by ignoring your gut. If you are threatened, call 911.
What if they ask me to stop at a store?
You can say no and keep driving to the address you agreed on, or you can end the ride. You do not have to debate it. If the mood turns dangerous, pull over somewhere public and call 911. Your desire to stop drinking includes not making their store run.
I feel guilty for refusing. Does that mean I am a bad member?
It means you have a limit. There are no dues or fees, and there is no fee paid in rides. You can go to your own meeting and listen. If the guilt makes you want to hurt yourself, call or text 988.