A Child at a Closed Meeting

Key takeaway

You brought a child because there was no other plan. A closed meeting is for members, or for people with a drinking problem and a desire to stop. A child who is only waiting is not that. An open meeting allows observers, and not every open room wants a child there. You still need a meeting.

Last updated: Tue Oct 06 2026 00:00:00 GMT+0000 (Coordinated Universal Time)

The child is on your hip, or holding your coat, because there was no other plan. The sitter canceled, or you never had one, and this was the only hour you could steal. You are not a bad parent for standing in the doorway.

You still walked into a question the room has to answer honestly. A closed meeting is for members, or for people who have a drinking problem and a desire to stop drinking. A child who is only there to wait is not that. Waiting is not a desire to stop drinking. Do not treat the child as a member so the hour can happen.

What closed and open actually mean tonight

An open meeting is for anyone interested in A.A.'s program of recovery. Nonalcoholics may attend as observers. That is a wider door. It is not a promise that every open meeting wants children in the chairs. Groups set their own format. One open meeting may be used to a quiet kid in the back. Another may be a small circle where a restless child would take over the hour. You can ask the chair what this meeting is, open or closed, before anyone is deep into a share. Ask quietly. You do not have to tell your whole week.

The closed-meeting line is about who the meeting is for. It does not name an age for the child in your arms, and it does not hand you a sitter. If someone at the door states a firm age line, that is that person's preference for that moment. You can thank them and make another plan. You do not have to argue your parenting in the hallway.

People in these rooms talk about what drinking did, what they did to stop, and how they live now. A speaker meeting is often what we were like, what happened, and what we are like now. A child in earshot may hear adult harm, shame, and detail you would not choose for bedtime. Go to an open meeting with them only if you can live with what they might hear. If you cannot live with it, an open meeting is a poor waiting room, even though observers are allowed.

You still need a meeting

The closed door does not cancel your night. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking, and that requirement is yours, not your child's. There are no dues or fees. You can sit and listen once you are in a meeting that fits. Introducing yourself is not mandatory. You need not join a prayer.

If this one is closed, leave the child out of the membership and look again. An open meeting is one option, and only if the hearing test above is one you can accept. The other option is simpler for a lot of parents: get them to sleep, then sit down yourself. Online meetings can be video on, video off, or a dial-in. Phone meetings exist when a screen is too much. A video-off meeting after bedtime is still you going. It counts. You do not have to perform parenting and recovery as the same speech.

aa.org is not a meeting finder. Use a local list, or the meetings search on this site. Listings here are not verified, so confirm the time and whether the meeting says open or closed. If the listing is silent, ask. Open and closed meetings are worth knowing before you drive across town with a tired kid.

In-person rooms include offices, churches, treatment centers, community centers, clubhouses, and sometimes outdoors. None of that list is a nursery. Do not assume a church building means childcare is in the basement. If it is not offered, it is not offered. You are allowed to leave.

The shame can sit down

You had no sitter. Plenty of people have missed meetings for that reason, and plenty have walked in anyway and felt judged. You do not owe strangers an apology for a child who needed somewhere to be. You do owe the closed meeting an honest read of who it is for. Those are different debts. One is manners. The other is the shape of the room.

If a person is sharp with you, you can still be decent and go. Your next meeting does not have to be a debate. Court and treatment referrals are welcome, and membership is voluntary. A child in the picture does not make your desire to stop less real.

If you are sick

Call 911 if you are sick, confused, or cannot breathe. Call or text 988 if you are in a mental health crisis. NIAAA says alcohol withdrawal can be life-threatening when a person who drinks heavily over time stops suddenly. A meeting cannot watch a child and treat your body at the same time.

NIDA says mutual-help groups such as A.A. are peer-led, not led by healthcare professionals, and not a substitute for treatment. It is not detox. SAMHSA's National Helpline, 1-800-662-HELP (4357), is free, confidential, and available 24/7 in English and Spanish. FindTreatment.gov lists programs.

Tonight

If the meeting is closed, do not treat the child as a member. Look for an open meeting only if you can live with what they might hear, or put them to bed and take an online or phone meeting after that. You still need a meeting. Confirm it on the meetings search. Call (800) 653-9376 if you need treatment; the call is free to you, treatment providers pay for the referral, the line is not an intergroup, and the line is not A.A., and it is not SMART Recovery.

Additional Resources

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Common Questions

Can my child sit in a closed meeting while I stay?

A closed meeting is for members, or for people who have a drinking problem and a desire to stop drinking. A child who is only there because you had no other plan is waiting, not joining. Do not treat that child as a member so the hour can proceed. Ask whether the meeting is open or closed. If it is closed, make another plan for the child and still get yourself to a meeting.

Are open meetings fine for children?

An open meeting is for anyone interested, and nonalcoholics may attend as observers. That is not a promise that every open meeting wants a child in the chairs. People talk about what drinking did and what they did about it. Go only if you can live with what the child might hear. Groups set their own format, so ask this group before you stay.

What can I do tonight if I have no sitter?

If this meeting is closed, do not treat the child as a member so you can stay. Look for an open meeting only if you can live with what they might hear. Or get them to sleep and then sit in an online meeting, video off if you want, or a phone meeting. You still need a meeting. Confirm the listing. aa.org is not a meeting finder.

Will people think I am a bad parent for showing up like this?

You had no other plan, and you still came toward help. That is a hard night, not a hearing about your parenting. You do not owe the group your whole week. You can listen when you are in the right kind of meeting. There are no dues or fees. The next practical step is a meeting you can actually use, with the child cared for in a way you can live with.

What if I am sick and I also have the child with me?

Call 911 if you are sick, confused, or cannot breathe. A child beside you does not turn a meeting into medical care. Call or text 988 if you are in a mental health crisis. NIAAA says alcohol withdrawal can be life-threatening when a person who drinks heavily over time stops suddenly. NIDA says A.A. is peer-led and not a substitute for treatment. Get care first. The meeting comes after you are safe.